cuadro
by wanling the great
Summary: fujimaXhanagata. completed. cuadro means picture in spanish. AU fic - where hanagata is a business executive who falls in love with fujima, a stripper who loves kids.
1. cuadro

Dedicated to Rachel. For Mae.  
  
Chapter 1  
  
The first time I saw him was when he was almost naked, prancing around a pole, amidst all the wild cheers and groping hands surrounding him. Despite the suffocating musk of arousal, I could still see him clearly. He had a sweet face, one of those, clichéd as it may sound, androgynous ones. He was clearly male, but there were a few feminine traits. Especially his hair. It was even styled like a girls'.  
  
He swung once around the pole and stopped when he faced my direction, and gave the crowd a come-hither smile. My heart nearly stopped beating. Suddenly I had this vision, of us packing our bags, driving off in a car, into the psychedelic sunset - and life would be perfect. He rotated his hips, showing off his package that was barely concealed in that ridiculous thong that he was wearing. It was amazing how much he could expose of himself, without taking off that thong.  
  
The show was nearing its end. The crowd became rowdier and I could distinctly hear the pants of the patrons around me. He turned his back to the crowd and nearly faded into the darkness at the back of the stage. Suddenly out of the air came flying a black thong. It landed neatly in my hands. I looked up quickly, and a flash of blue whisked past before it was gone.  
  
I stared at the black thong he was wearing. I had fallen in love with a stripper.  
  
~  
  
I must have been quite a sight. I mean, I was wearing a full business suit, and surrounded by people who were mostly in their underwear. My client didn't seem to mind though. He seemed to fit in perfectly with the environment of hot sweaty gyrating bodies. I generally wasn't used to these kinds of situations. I hated clubbing. Those that I went to were usually strip clubs and even so, I just stayed for a while and left soon.  
  
I kept going back to that strip club, but I never saw him again. I could barely remember his face, but I still remember the effect he had on me. I had never been so aroused in front of so many people before, and I had never ever wanted somebody, with so much ferocity before. It felt like a crime. I wasn't supposed to be so obsessed over somebody I saw for less than 5 minutes, and much less a stripper. Not that I had anything against strippers - just that no self-respecting stripper would throw themselves at me. It's not that I'm unattractive, I mean money can do wonders for you, but my appearance leaves much to be desired.  
  
I generally look so. serious and uptight that it puts people off. I've never ever had a real relationship, which is pretty sad, considering I'm already about 28 and heir to my family business. Which I'm more or less married to anyway. My parents already have my whole future planned, I would take over the company by the time I'm 30, and I'd get married by the time I'm 32, have 2 kids by the age of 36 and live happily ever after. But well, they're probably going to be disappointed at the marriage part, I don't think I'll ever get married. I'm so inexperienced at love that it's pathetic.  
  
Whoosh. Somebody just bumped into me and knocked the glasses off my head. With blurred vision, I steadied myself with strong arms cradling my waist. Searching around for my glasses, I finally found them teetering on the edge of my arm. What a weird place. I hurriedly put them on.  
  
It was he. HIM. He smiled broadly at me.  
  
"Daijoubu ka?"  
  
My heart started thumping really loudly and my jaw was a little too slack for my own reputation's sake. He smirked faintly and me and assuring himself that I was okay, turned his back to me and disappeared in the crowds.  
  
I couldn't see him anymore.  
  
~  
  
Going to that club - even to entertain clients, just wasn't the kind of thing I was suited to doing. I ended up having to go home early, after running to the bathroom to puke like twice. And so now I was slumped outside the club, miserably thinking about my sad sad sad life of having to entertain clients and work too. Maybe I could call in sick tomorrow.  
  
My chauffeur would take quite a while. But thank god I had a chauffeur. I would have just. died if I had to go home by myself now. It was already close to 2, and I could feel my eyelids drooping. I heard a murmur of voices near me. I opened my eyes and peered blearily at my surroundings.  
  
"Hanagata-san!"  
  
Oh great. At first having being humiliated by my lack of ability to hold my liquor in front of my client, he were treated to the sight of me slumped outside a seedy nightclub, looking miserable and lost. Now he's never going to do business with me ever again.  
  
"Maki-sama."  
  
He half-smirked as he took in the sight of me. He would. I really looked pathetic. That son of a bitch - dragging me to weird seedy places and then sloshing me with alcohol so I wouldn't be able to think straight and finally making me sign some stupid contract. HAH! I knew him through and through.  
  
I never knew being drunk made me this melodramatic.  
  
"Do you need help going home?"  
  
I peered at him. "Iie. My chauffeur's coming."  
  
He nodded, smirked and turned to leave. I saw his chauffer drive up with his black Mercedes. It looked cool too. Did he have to be cooler in everything he did? He was smarter, better-looking, more attractive, hotter, more. appealing.  
  
And I was a stick-in-the-mud.  
  
I watched him lean against the frame of his car, looking as if he was waiting for someone. Suddenly his face relaxed and a slow grin spread over his face. I turned towards the pub entrance.  
  
It was he. That stripper guy. He smiled back at Maki-san and graciously accepted the opened door. The last I saw of him was his lingering hand on Maki's that promised of what was to come later in the night.  
  
At that moment, I could think of nothing but how much I hated Maki Shinichi.  
  
~  
  
I pushed open the door to my bedroom groggily. I could barely keep standing and was teetering about, tripping over non-existent items in my room. I finally found the bed and collapsed on it.  
  
I still remembered his voice as he asked me if I were all right, and the feel of his strong arms as he caught me before I fell, and the look in his eyes when he smiled.  
  
That night I dreamt of baby blue eyes and soft hair. I dreamt about how I arched for him and came with him still inside me. I dreamt about how he kissed my cheek and bit my neck to make me his.  
  
~ 


	2. cuadroII

Chapter 2  
  
I started hanging around that seedy bar and the strip club that I saw him at. But I never saw him again. I just stuck around, hoping for a glimpse of blond, or a flash of blue or anything, simply anything, that hinted of him.  
  
Pathetic huh?  
  
My love life is reduced to stalking a stripper I've only seen twice. And I've probably seen him for less than 5 minutes, added together. I must seem really desperate huh? I am. I've been having dreams about him for the past few days, almost a week now. It's the same every night - can feel him in me, moving in me until I can't draw a line between what's me and what's him.  
  
I sigh in long-pent-up frustration and exasperation. All this waiting and searching has done nothing to decrease my libido. But my will was slowly weakening. I was wasting time hanging out at these places - which I was completely unsuited to. Life was so freaking boring and sad.  
  
I blew bubbles into my drink - what was it? Whisky? Brandy? I don't think I can remember, but it isn't all that important anyway. I twirled my straw around, fiddling with it. I can't remember ever being as bored as this, where I fidgeted almost every second and my face was almost twitching due to my bored.  
  
I looked up and I saw him. I really did. It was he. He was directly in my line of vision all this time, but I never once spotted him. He was getting sucked. I could see a head bobbing up and down on his lap - and all this while he never broke our eye contact. His fingers tightened as he came, and he slowly smiled, invitation blatant in his eyes.  
  
My heart clenched and I slammed down my glass, nearly breaking it in the process. I gathered up the last remains of my courage and headed in his direction. I must have been insane, I had never ever imagined myself to do something like that. I was, after all, virtually a virgin. I had never actually had sex, kissed a bit, did a bit of heavy petting, but no real sex.  
  
I forced myself through the crowd, but yet I felt him going further and further away from me with each step I took. With a despairing heart, I searched around frantically for him. But I couldn't see him. I even asked the people around, they were too busy involved with each other to answer me. Feeling even more disheartened then ever, I slunk around the corners, and finally managed to squeeze my way out of the stupid club.  
  
"Hey."  
  
I turned around. HE was there. My heart hammered away.  
  
I stared at him and he stared at me for a long time.  
  
"Take me home."  
  
I don't think my brain functioned properly after that.  
  
~  
  
His hair was so soft, I thought as I ran my fingers through them, as he slept on my chest. He looked so cute - he would. So pretty and so composed - I wondered if he ever lost his composure. He just always seemed to be so confident, proud and with good reason to be. He was a great lover - slow and encouraging and always knowing when to pick up the pace. I can almost feel him moving within me again, making me cry out and making stars appear behind my eyes. I never had such a painful and cathartic orgasm before. It was filled with white-hot pain, but yet I felt like I was being liberated.  
  
It was about 4 in the morning. I was still debating on whether to go to work or not. The prospect of lying in bed all day with Fujima-san (that was his name) was too wonderful to give up. I settled more comfortably into my bed and closed my eyes gently, and slowly drifted off into a world of blue and sand.  
  
~  
  
I woke up to the sounds of gentle rustling and a muffled exclamation. I blinked myself awake and saw Fujima-san putting on his clothes. I bet the disappointment must have shown in my eyes, but I carefully hid it.  
  
"You're leaving already?"  
  
He nodded and kept his back to me. I watched as his back muscles moved beneath that expanse of beige skin that I remembered running my nails along. There were a few red lines there. My hand unconsciously went up to my shoulder, where he left a lingering bite the night before.  
  
"You need me to get my chauffer to send you home?"  
  
He turned, as if in surprise or shock and recovered himself.  
  
"No thank you Hanagata-san."  
  
The atmosphere was so tense and polite now. I felt like my heart was going to break. I stood up and pulled him in my embrace.  
  
"Will I see you again?"  
  
I could feel him tense up and force himself to relax. A wave of nausea and sickness gripped my stomach. I feel like puking.  
  
"Maybe."  
  
And I watched him leave. 


	3. cuadroIII

Chapter 3  
  
Today turned out to be another sucky day. I really couldn't run the whole company alone. All that running around and trying to get proposals in on time was just taking its toll on me. I slumped down in my sofa as I wrenched off my tie. Stupid thing. Closing my eyes, I finally allowed myself to rest and enter a dreamless slumber.  
  
~  
  
I felt something soft whisper across my forehead and my eyelids fluttered open.  
  
"Hanagata-san!"  
  
What was Fujima doing here? I blinked stupidly at him and turned my head slightly to my left, it was 8 in the night. I turned back to him. Suddenly my day didn't seem all that bad.  
  
"What are you doing here Fujima-san?"  
  
"Call me Kenji!"  
  
"Okay, what are you doing here Kenji-san?"  
  
"Just Kenji!"  
  
"Okaaaay, what are you doing here Kenji?"  
  
My heart was thumping so loudly, maybe it would break my ribcage. That would be funny.  
  
"Do you want to go out for dinner?"  
  
I stared at him uncomprehendingly for a while.  
  
"Di-i-ner?"  
  
"Yah! Come go change and let's gooooo!"  
  
He was bouncing up and down like a little kid. I couldn't refuse him could I?  
  
~  
  
He brought me to a nice cosy restaurant somewhere rather suburban. It looked quiet and homey. Perfect.  
  
He was grinning all the while, even in the car, and even now, while he perused the menu.  
  
"What are you having Hanagata-san?"  
  
I turned my attention to him. "Toru."  
  
He blinked and grinned again.  
  
"Toru then."  
  
The stars seemed brighter today.  
  
~  
  
I lay with him pooled over me again. He really looked so cute when sleeping - rather like a prawn, all curled up. Don't tell him I said that. I exhaled in contentment. Today was a good day.  
  
We had dinner and went to hang out at a nice quiet bar. It was one of those jazz/blues bars. I had never been to one, but I certainly preferred them to the seedy ones that I met Kenji at.  
  
And then we came home and he gave me the best fuck of my life.  
  
He's such an angel. I wonder why he's staying with me. 


	4. cuadroIV

Chapter 4  
  
Sunlight streamed in through the windows, and the heat prickled my skin, and Kenji was gone. I missed him already.  
  
I slowly got out of bed. I felt so lethargic. Looking at myself in the mirror, I felt so pathetic. I actually was really under the control of a man that I barely knew. He controlled all my moods, actions and behaviour. He made me so happy.  
  
Che, so pathetic.  
  
"Tadaima."  
  
Kenji. He was back? I hurriedly spat out the remaining toothpaste in my mouth and wiped myself clean with my shirtsleeve while opening the toilet door. Kenji was dressed in one of my smaller shirts, which still hung off his shoulders. He looked so small.  
  
"Ohayo."  
  
He turned around.  
  
"Toru! I got breakfast!"  
  
My heart felt a little too big for my chest. He just brightened up my whole day - and I had barely known him too.  
  
"How did you get in?"  
  
"OH! I asked your chauffer to open the door for me and I swiped your keys this morning."  
  
Wasn't that a big careless of me? Do I look like I care? Heh heh.  
  
I sat down. He got a weird breakfast. Some egg thing that looked a little dubious, but since he looked so happy eating it, I braced myself and put it in my mouth. It wasn't all that bad.  
  
Kenji was really a morning person. He always woke up so early and was always so chirpy. I listened non-committedly to his rambling on about his job at some day-care centre.  
  
The sunshine seemed so nice and warm and comforting today.  
  
~  
  
I went out with Kenji again today. This time we went to one of those beach restaurants. It was really so nice and romantic. I must have been half- dazed by all the attention he was giving me that the night passed before I even realised. And as usual we went home and he fucked me.  
  
Life was good.  
  
I mused as I cradled Kenji to me. He always fell asleep first while I cradled him. I had only known him for about 3 days. And he was so. awkward with me on the first day. I wonder why he came back.  
  
I wonder.  
  
And I fell into a troubled sleep, with a frown on my face.  
  
~  
  
He had left by the morning.  
  
I wondered, as I showered, when he would finally leave me.  
  
I wondered how long I could live without him.  
  
~  
  
He dropped by almost every other day, to say hi, go out and then we'd have sex.  
  
It was so pathetic.  
  
My life was so pathetic.  
  
I lived day by day just to see Kenji. He was my motivation for living - for working. It wasn't to please my parents anymore, it was for Kenji. I wanted to impress him - to make him see how good I could be. I wanted to be worthy of him, in his eyes.  
  
It wasn't enough to tie him to me.  
  
He was always gone by the morning - leaving nothing behind. I woke up cold and lonely, I didn't want to face the world alone. I didn't want to live without Kenji.  
  
Where did he go?  
  
I was determined to find out. So one morning, I heard him close the front door behind him, and I followed him. He walked for about ten minutes and I saw him disappear into an alleyway. I hid behind a pillar and waited for him, or somebody else to come out.  
  
Maki Shinichi.  
  
He looked happy and radiant.  
  
Kenji followed soon after. He looked around half-furtively before walking in the opposite direction that Maki took.  
  
I couldn't think straight afterwards. I left a dent in the pillar.  
  
~  
  
I think he sensed my unnaturalness with him. He seemed more subdued and quiet. He picked at his food. He didn't even try to crack a smile at all the little kids who were playing around us.  
  
I was cold to him. He was fucking seeing Maki-that-son-of-a-bitch.  
  
That night, he kissed me slowly and tenderly. It wasn't like the passionate kisses we often shared. I didn't respond. He turned his back to me and curled up. I hugged him from behind and buried my nose in his hair. He relaxed into my embrace.  
  
We fell asleep like that.  
  
~  
  
I watched him dress as he left the next morning.  
  
Why did I feel like I was letting something very important go? 


	5. cuadroV

Chapter 5  
  
I was woken up by the frantic ringing of the doorbell. I heard a lot of muffled shouts and exclamations. I was too lazy to get up to open the door. I heard keys fumbling about and finally the door opened.  
  
My door was opened rudely and something was shoved into my face.  
  
"What is the meaning of all this??"  
  
I heard my father's furious voice echo around the room. I winced. I wasn't used to being woken up like that since I was 10.  
  
I blinked and put on my glasses. I had a newspaper nearly stuffed down my throat.  
  
On the front page was Kenji. And me.  
  
Me getting fucked by Kenji.  
  
Us going out together.  
  
Us kissing at a secluded corner of the restaurant.  
  
What the hell was this crap?  
  
~  
  
I looked out my window just to be greeted by the sight of reporters and cameramen stomping about. I nearly screamed in frustration. I needed to check how Kenji was. Did he see the news?  
  
I tried to ignore the concerned look my mother was shooting me, and the disappointed and furious posture of my father. I wasn't ready for that now.  
  
"Would you like to explain yourself Toru?"  
  
I continued looking out of the window. "He was a fling - nothing more." I whispered. I could still remember his breathy voice as he whispered in my ear, I could still remember his hands as they pinned me down, I could still remember his member as it moved in and out of me, I could still remember his uneasiness last night.  
  
But I didn't see the small sad, fleeting smile that he had when he left this morning, or the tear that ran down the side of his face.  
  
Where was Kenji?  
  
~  
  
I stayed at home for the next few days. I didn't want to go out and besides, I probably wouldn't be able to escape that bunch of relentless reporters. I called my secretary to postpone all appointments and to try to fend off reporters. I trusted her. She wouldn't tell anything scandalous that she might have found out.  
  
But on the third day, I was getting frustrated and downright irritated. The reporters had more or less dwindled and only the really persistent ones were still camping out at the front of my house. I took my time putting on my navy blue shirt (Kenji liked it) and threw on a black tie, opened the door, closed it, took the elevator,  
  
And steeled myself for the onslaught of reporters.  
  
There were quite a few of them and they rushed for me - but I managed to move steadily towards my car, which was just. a few metres away.  
  
"What is the cause for your reluctance to leave your house for the past 2 days Hanagata-san?"  
  
"Are the pictures real?"  
  
"Is it true you are gay?"  
  
"I heard that Fujima-san is a prostitu-"  
  
That caught my attention. I slammed my head in the direction of the speaker. It was a fat balding man. I sneered at him.  
  
"Don't you ever speak of him that way."  
  
They were either too shocked or too intimidated. Some reporters they are.  
  
~  
  
Kenji.  
  
I wonder where he is now.  
  
And what he's doing.  
  
Is he feeling lonely too?  
  
~  
  
It was even worse at my office, because all the reporting agencies had a tip-off that I had finally left my house. They swarmed me and swirled around me, I felt like I was in the middle of a mosh-pit listening to some awful music. Luckily my secretary was there to lead me to my office. This was just too much. Security was a blessing too.  
  
I wonder why they are so interested.  
  
It's not even that big a deal.  
  
~  
  
I finally settled into the buzzing monotone of work. I missed it. It was comforting - it was my anchor when Kenji crashed into my life, and sailed right out of it. I haven't been able to contact him, or see him or whatever, ever since that night. I really hope he isn't angry.  
  
I would understand why he would be angry - but I just hope that our relationship wouldn't end like that. To lose Kenji would be.  
  
"Hanagata-san, Maki-san is here to see you."  
  
I so didn't need this. "Let him in."  
  
I hated Maki Shinichi - all his self-confidence, pride and arrogance. I was sick of him. The door clicked open. I tried to get myself under some semblance of order, wouldn't be good for him to see me looking disheveled and messy and thus get smugger. Stupid bastard.  
  
I looked up and saw a really really irritatingly confident smirk on his face. Plastering a smile on my face, I stood up to greet him. However, I stopped in mid-air. What the fuck was Kenji doing with Maki?  
  
I nearly shouted out "Kenji" and concern was evident in my eyes. But something in his posture and expression made me rethink about my actions and I ignored him, to shake Maki's proffered hand. I motioned for him to sit down and forced myself to be professional.  
  
"Maki-san, about that project you were proposing-"  
  
"I came here just to talk about that. I'm canceling it."  
  
I was glad I managed to keep my face impassive. "Canceling it? Why?"  
  
"I don't believe your company has the human and monetary resources to carry it out for me. It is on the verge of collapse isn't it?"  
  
I was speechless. That. "Maki-san, thank you for your honest feedback. We will take note of that. If there is nothing else, I'll have my secretary show you the way." I hoped I sounded half as confident and professional as I hoped.  
  
Maki that stupid idiot smirked again and shook my hand. "Nice doing business with you Hanagata-san, I may never have the chance to do so again. I believe these are yours."  
  
He placed a stack of photos on the table. They were of Kenji and me - like the ones in the newspaper.  
  
I looked up quickly at him, trying to keep my jaw from falling apart when I finally realised the implications of the situation.  
  
He laughed, a grating sound. "I wanted to ruin you Hanagata. I wanted you to never be able to lift your head up in society ever again. And Kenji helped me."  
  
He was already walking out and I felt like throwing a nice big knife at his back. But he'll probably catch it before it hits him and throw it back at me and I'll die in my office, miserable and betrayed. Kenji was looking at me guiltily, half-wondering whether to follow Maki or stay with me.  
  
"Toru."  
  
I motioned for him to leave.  
  
I couldn't face him now.  
  
~  
  
I rubbed my temples. I felt so. empty and troubled. I wasn't angry with Kenji - how could I ever get angry with Kenji? But I still felt so upset.  
  
Upset at myself for letting Maki get the better of me, upset with myself for losing Kenji to Maki, upset with myself for not loving Kenji enough, upset that I was such a pussy that I couldn't even bring myself to get angry with SOMETHING. anything at all.  
  
And I was really worried about the company - stocks were falling after the newspaper reports about me being gay. Actually, I don't see the problem with that, but well, I guess it's up to them. Reclining back in my chair, I closed my eyes and allowed myself to drift off, my mind as troubled as a sea with a brewing storm.  
  
~ 


	6. cuadroVI

Chapter 6  
  
I adjusted my tie again, fidgeting around. What if I screwed up the press interview? I would probably never be able to lift my head up in society again. I could just imagine - Gay CEO of Hanagata Corporation gets screwed again. Haha. What a funny headline.  
  
I gingerly pushed open the door and was met with a sea of murmuring reporters and cameramen. They kept quiet when I appeared and I gave them a small smile. I sat down and the clicking and flashing started. I hated photographers. It took about half a minute before the stupid photographers got happy and finally stopped clicking. Then the questioning began.  
  
"Hanagata-san, what is the reason for your absence for the past 2 days?"  
  
"What do you have to say about the photos in the newspaper?"  
  
"Is it true that you and Kenji-san are lovers?"  
  
"Yes." I didn't even want to imagine my father's response to this. The cameras clicked again.  
  
"When did your relationship start?"  
  
"How long have you two been together?"  
  
"How do you think the public and especially your investors will react to this?"  
  
I put up a hand for them to remain silent.  
  
"We're not really lovers, we just had sex a few times together. I see no reason for investors to link my sexuality to my business capabilities. I have full confidence in the company's success."  
  
I would probably get fired after this, so the success probably won't be mine.  
  
"How did your parents react to this?"  
  
"Not too well."  
  
"What are the plans for your future?"  
  
"I'm going to make Kenji love me."  
  
~ 


	7. cuadroVII

Chapter 7  
  
I opened my eyes slowly. I didn't have to go to work today, I had absolutely nothing to do today. I felt so free. I quit. I had this sudden urge to giggle. The look on my father's face when he found out I had admitted I was gay, and the look when I said I was quitting, was too good to miss.  
  
Feeling a little better about my day, I washed up and tried to find something casual to wear. All I had in my wardrobe was suits, and suits and more suits. I picked out a pair of black slacks and found a nice dark green dress shirt. I unbuttoned the top three buttons of my shirt and left it untucked. It didn't look all that formal I hope.  
  
My stomach did some somersaults and jumps as I drove. I felt so apprehensive and like a young schoolgirl on a first date. I kept checking myself in the rear-view mirror every time I stopped at a traffic light. I wondered what Kenji would say if he saw me. What if he ignored me?  
  
What if Maki was there?  
  
I frowned as I thought of Maki. He didn't deserve Kenji. But then again, neither did I. Nobody did.  
  
I sighed as I pulled into a parking lot. I hoped I had found the correct place. Kenji told me that he worked here sometimes. I just hoped he would be here today. I took the lift to the seventh storey and pushed open the door that said "Happy Children Daycare Centre". That was such a bad name, but anyway.  
  
I was greeted by a small girl running into me and falling onto the floor. I immediately bent down to help her up. She was actually bawling because she fell, but once I started fussing over her in my characteristically quiet manner, she stopped and looked wonderingly at me. After checking that she was all right, I smiled faintly at her and helped her get up.  
  
"Aya-chan!"  
  
I heard Kenji's voice and looked up. He looked surprised to see me.  
  
"Kenji-san!" Aya-chan shouted Kenji's name gleefully and ran to him. He picked her up and laughed along with her. I missed his laugh.  
  
He carried her into the centre and I followed.  
  
The centre was full of noisy kids running around. They seemed to be so free. I could barely remember my own childhood. Out of the running screaming kids, I noticed one small boy sitting at a table in the far end. He looked sad and lonely - exactly like me. I walked over and squeezed myself into the seat next to him.  
  
He barely spared me a glance, but moved the crayons nearer to me and put a piece of paper in front of me. I didn't know what to draw. I picked up a pink crayon, almost dropping it and wrote an "Ohayo" on the paper.  
  
"You can't write using crayons." He continued drawing. He was drawing a tortoise in the midst of a field filled with flowers. I cancelled my "Ohayo" and picked up a brown crayon and started drawing.  
  
I spent my whole day drawing and talking to this small boy. He was Takeshi and he was an orphan, in the care of his aunt. He didn't like her or his cousins and he didn't have any friends because they thought he was weird. And so he was mean to them, and they were mean back. He liked mangoes and broccoli. He liked chawanmushi too.  
  
The centre started emptying itself of children at about three o'clock as parents came to pick them up. Takeshi left at around there and I waved back to him as he left, stumbling to catch up with his aunt.  
  
I tidied up the papers we had wasted doodling on, and put back all the crayons where they belonged.  
  
"You're still here?"  
  
I turned back as Kenji smiled at me. I smiled back and scratched my head. "Takeshi's a very nice boy," was the only lame thing I could come up with.  
  
We worked in silence, cleaning up the centre. The owner of the centre, Takahashi-san was very nice to me. I think she was thankful that she didn't have to clean up after those rowdy kids because there was me. After cleaning up everything, I remembered the stack of papers that were used to doodle on that I left on the table. I didn't want to throw them away, but it seemed silly for me to take them home. I folded them and tucked them under my arm.  
  
"I'm leaving."  
  
I looked up as Kenji was already putting on his shoes. I hurriedly put mine on too and rushed after him.  
  
"Do you need a lift or something?"  
  
He looked at me and looked away before saying, "Take me home."  
  
~  
  
It was almost as intense as the first time we had sex. I cried out his name as he bit my neck and arched my back for him as he fucked me and screamed when I came in his hand. 


	8. cuadroVIII

Chapter 8  
  
I would send Kenji to the daycare centre in the morning and I stuck around for one or two hours, sitting around with Takeshi. He was a remarkably smart boy for his age. I really enjoyed his company. He gave me friendship. How pathetic - my only friend was an eight-year-old boy.  
  
I glanced over to Kenji. He was wiping the mouth of a small girl and mock- scolding her. Her eyes glistened and he laughed and ruffled her hair. Kenji had such an infectious happy character. I was probably the most morose person he had ever met - low self-confidence and pessimistic.  
  
I sighed. After my resignation from my dad's company, I had yet to find a job. My parents had more or less disowned me and would probably not give me any allowance or something. Besides, I wouldn't accept it even if they did. My parents. they never really cared for me. I grew up in the shadow of their work and commitments. I always came second, or maybe third, fourth.  
  
I turned back to Takeshi. Takeshi reminded me of myself - receiving little affection, lonely, sad and hard to get along with. I never had any real friends. I found my solace in studying. Takeshi found his in drawing. He liked drawing everything - from fruits to flowers to animals to people. He loved drawing. He loved colours.  
  
Getting up from my seat and brushing eraser dust from my pants, I ruffled Takeshi's hair and got ready to leave.  
  
"Kenji-"  
  
He turned to look at me.  
  
"-I need to do something so I'll leave first."  
  
He nodded and I smiled faintly and turned to leave.  
  
~  
  
I needed to buy Kenji a present. His birthday was tomorrow. I thought of buying him a cat, but it seemed like a weird present. I wanted to get him one of those nice snow-in-glass-ball things that you could shake, and it would "snow" inside. I wanted to get him some crystal figurine but I couldn't find one that I thought he would really like.  
  
I walked along the streets, trying to find something I thought he would like. As I passed by a watch shop, I remembered him saying that he needed a new watch, and I rushed in excitedly. I finally got him a Seiko Perpetual Calendar. I hoped he would like it.  
  
~  
  
I didn't go to the daycare centre the next day. I spent the first two hours of my day thinking of what to wear and spent the next two fretting over my appearance. I made sure I had the present seventeen times over and rehearsed my "lines" at least a hundred times. My nervousness increased as I drove to the daycare centre. I had set out at least an hour earlier, but I got stuck in a jam. My fear increased as it looked like I would not make it in time. I managed to speed my way there.  
  
I got out of my car and searched around frantically. Where was Kenji? I held the present tightly in my hands and searched around for him. I saw a flash of blond hair going into a black Mercedes and it roared past me. Maki was driving it.  
  
My hands gripped the present so hard that my knuckles turned white.  
  
It lay fallen where I had dropped it on the ground.  
  
~  
  
I sat at my desk, with my half-opened bottle of brandy and a champagne glass in my hand. I twirled it around slowly, entranced by the slow movement of the liquid in it. I was so fucking pathetic. I couldn't make Kenji love me. I wasn't doing enough was I? Nothing I did was ever fucking enough for Kenji.  
  
Why did that Maki have to be better at me in everything I did? I hate him. I hate him so much. I threw my glass across the room and it hit the shelf and cracked when it hit the floor. The floor turned a brownish-red as the brandy spilt over it. Maybe it was the stress over the past few days, but for some reason, I just burst out laughing. My chortles slowly turned into sobs and I curled up my chair.  
  
Where was Kenji?  
  
I hated myself.  
  
~  
  
I woke up with an awful headache and I ran to the bathroom, barely making it in time to vomit out my intestines and bowels even. I wiped my mouth and gargled it with water. I hated alcohol. I hated mornings.  
  
I shuffled out of my bedroom. All I remembered of last night was getting drunk, throwing a glass and sleeping in my study room. How come I ended up in my bedroom then? Puzzled, I went to my study room. It was spotless. I walked to the kitchen, on the table was a paper bag and inside were those weird egg things that Kenji liked.  
  
~ 


	9. cuadroIX

Chapter 9  
  
I finally decided to go look for a job. I had lazed around long enough without a job, and my savings couldn't sustain me for long. I went around looking for jobs. I was highly qualified and I didn't believe I would be unemployed for long, but for once, I wanted to do something I liked, to make my decision on my own. I had lived under my parents' command long enough, it was time I broke away from them. Maybe that's why they found it so hard to accept that I was gay, because they couldn't control that.  
  
I wanted to be a sales assistant. I tried a few departmental stores, boutiques, shops, and so on. I was very lucky. I got the job on the spot - as a sales person in Helmut Lang.  
  
~  
  
I hardly saw Kenji or even Takeshi now. I had to work and by the time my work ended, Kenji and Takeshi would have already left the daycare centre. And each day, my loneliness grew, so much so that it seemed to consume me, and take over me. I hardly knew myself now - some pathetic lovesick fool. My life was so sad.  
  
I opened the door and threw my keys on the console. I took off my jacket and threw it over the arm of the sofa.  
  
"Toru."  
  
I nearly jumped. I had no idea Kenji was here. I could see his glittering blue eyes even in the dark. He looked so beautiful and vulnerable. He turned away from me and walked to the balcony. I followed after him and embraced him from behind. We stayed like this for a long time. I could feel as shudders wracked his body as he cried in my arms - crying out his guilt to the wind, while I dealt with my angst.  
  
He cried for about half an hour before drowsily collapsing in my arms. I had to carry his half-sleeping figure to the bedroom. I brushed his hair away from his face and whispered to the wind.  
  
"I love you."  
  
And in my heart I knew it was true.  
  
~  
  
I woke up to a very pleasant sensation. Kenji was kneeling in front of me and sucking me. Still quite astonished at being awakened in such a manner, I didn't respond for a while and just lay there, staring stupidly at Kenji. It didn't take long for me to come in his mouth and I lay back on my pillows, gasping for breath. Kenji reached to my left to get the lube and I spread my legs wider to provide him better access. But instead of reaching for me, he put the tube of lube in my hands and bent over for me.  
  
I was shocked at the implications of his actions. I was very inexperienced at this. Hesitantly, I squeezed some lube on my fingers and placed my index finger at his entrance and slowly pushed in. He gave a low hiss as I moved slowly into his channel. When I was totally in, I wriggled my finger around a little before adding a second. I moved my fingers around experimentally and tried to make Kenji shudder. He pushed back against my fingers. I pulled them out slowly and he placed himself over my member.  
  
I slathered more lube on my member. Placing one hand on my member and one hand on his thigh, I slowly lowered him onto me, so that he was facing me. He wasn't in any distress at all and sank all the way in. He slowly lifted himself off me and back again, making me moan as I thrust my hips up. He picked up the pace and slammed himself against me until we were both panting and gasping for breath.  
  
I fumbled around for his hand and interlocked our fingers together. He threw his head back and made a loud shuddering moan that echoed around the room as he came all over my chest. I joined him in his orgasm with a moan of "Kenji" and I saw or rather felt my world explode like fireworks.  
  
~  
  
Kenji pulled himself off me and lay next to me, or rather half over me. His head was buried in my shoulder.  
  
"I love you."  
  
The sun's rays shone through the window and lit the room with its golden glow.  
  
~ 


	10. cuadroX

Epilogue  
  
They say that if two people are meant to be together, no person, divine power or force could break them apart, and if they're really meant to be together, they'll find each other, no matter the distance or effort.  
  
I lost everything I had before I met Kenji - my job, reputation, family. but yet the ironic thing is that without Kenji, I would have nothing.  
  
My father's company thrived after a near bust, and it's doing very well now. I never went back. It didn't seem right for me to work there anymore. Kenji and I now work in the same daycare centre. We may be taking over the centre because Takahashi-san feels like retiring, and enjoying her life when she can.  
  
I moved to a studio apartment with Kenji. My lavish apartment was too expensive for me to upkeep. The job at the daycare centre doesn't pay much, but at least I get to see Takeshi. He's twelve now and he's a lot happier. His art's getting better too. I bought quite a few pieces (so that he could have a larger allowance) and hung them around the house.  
  
He has taught me a lot of things - one of them being that we should always strive to get what we want. If we don't, we might never get the chance again. I learnt this lesson well. If I gave up and didn't pursue Kenji, he might have disappeared from my life altogether.  
  
I may have lost my family, money and job, but in exchange of that, I have gained Kenji - my life. I have filled up the hole in my life, and no sadness and despair will ever leak in again. Whereas for Maki, he may have gained reputation, money and a good job, but he's lost the most important thing he's ever had. Without Kenji, we are nothing - we're just like empty ring boxes. Worthless, unless a ring fills us up and makes us radiant. The box is worthless without the ring, but the ring cannot survive without the box.  
  
I brushed back Kenji's hair from his face. The moonlight shone in from the window, throwing light on his cheekbones and making them seem higher. I closed my eyes and lay back down to sleep.  
  
Above the bed hung a framed picture, the one I drew the first time I met Takeshi - a picture of a house, with Kenji and I looking out of a window at the sunrise, looking towards a future full of hope and love - with each other. 


End file.
